It has been a while since I have been able to blog. Honestly, I think I have been going through the motions. Some days feel perfectly normal and some days I am so speechless. But I heard something the other day and it hit me. I was listening to Rachel Hollis’s pod cast and she said ” I am still here.. I will keep showing up”. That is my new mindset…

If you know me, you would know that I am bit of a control freak.. It is something that I try to let go of and it creeps back in. I was reminded that right now, I am not in control. I like a plan.. and right now I am having to “wing it”. It hit me really hard over the weekend. I have been to work and baseball since all of this has started. But, I decided to go into Sams Club ( the kids kept reminding me we needed groceries ). As much as I have not been in “fear” over Covid-19 and I thought I was handling things pretty well. Something about being around others made me realize that my mind was fighting a battle. One that I did not even realize. I left there crying to be honest. This is not the world that I expected to raise my children in. Oh , I was so ANGRY! I was so FEARFUL! I went through all emotions … pretty much all at once.

I sat in the quiet and prayed. I was reminded that I do have control. I have control over how I will react to things. I have control over my tongue and my words. I have control over my mind and my thoughts. I have control over if I will pick being positive over finding things that aren’t going the way I think they should go. Then I saw this picture and it was what my heart needed a reminder of. Our kids will be OK… No , none of this going on around us makes sense. No, None of us expected this year to turn our lives upside down in some areas. But, in some areas I have to say it has been a blessing. I know there is a teachable moment for me in this season and I just want to hold tighter to God’s word and be receptive to what I am supposed to get out of this season. Growing is uncomfortable, this season is uncomfortable. But, I will take it as I am learning and growing.