Keep Going when you don’t feel like you want to take another step… Keep Going when you don’t want to get out of bed… Keep going when life keeps throwing curveballs.

It has been so long since i have made a post and I will be transparent… Life has been a rollercoaster. I have walked in some dark times and had some days that I truly did not know how I was going to make it through. I had to learn to have realistic expectations of others because not everyone will do for you as you will do for them. I truly learned what relationships were blessing and which ones were making me into a person that I did not recognize in the mirror. But with the Grace of God, I would wake up the next day… and then the next! Without a shadow of a doubt, I know he has not left me and is walking along side of me… Sometimes carrying me when I cannot get up on my own. I don’t say any of this for sympathy, If I can help one mom not feel that she is alone then it is worth it.

That is something that I often have to tell myself often. There are so many stages of being a mom. So many emotions of happiness, joy and love that is unexplainable. There are also so many emotions of “what am I doing?”, “am I failing?”, “how did time pass so quickly?” Some days I am like “dang I am rocking this mom thing” and then quickly humbled and feel like ” Where did I go wrong?”

I am not sure if it is social media that we hear about so many events that we did not have as easy of access to before… Or the world is just going crazy. I know personally that it has been so hard being a parent in the last couple of years. Waking up to hear of so much sadness in this world, so much death, so many unknowns and uncertainty in day-to-day life. I have heard the words mental illness more in the last couple of years then I have in my whole life. Is that the problem? or is it because we have more pressures day to day than ever? Is it that we all want this picture-perfect life that we see posted on Instagram and when we don’t have it we feel as we failed? or is it just an excuse to do whatever we want? It could be a little of all of that to be honest. Living by Faith and not by sight has a whole new meaning for me.

Last year I lost my cousin because he took his own life. He was (is) so loved and it breaks my heart so much that he had so much pain that he was so good at hiding. I felt like I was in a fog from the moment I received that call. That same week we had to make a decision to pull my oldest son and move him to a different school. Knowing that was the right decision to make, it was hard and is still hard as a mom. I just felt in that moment that even if I did not know what the other side of it looked like it was something that had to be done. We never really know if 1 decision can mess our Child’s future in some way. In the mist of it… God showed us he was with us, and it ended up being a blessing. Long story short, he needed a major surgery that we would have not known was needed (or we would not have known in the time that was so crucial to have it done in). God was in EVERY detail. But for a 15/16-year-old that is still hard to understand and process. Watching your kid hurt mentally and physically is so painful. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Now we are walking through his senior year and finding all the positives we can and still struggling at times with mourning what we thought it would be. He is still recovering from shoulder surgery and praying he can have his senior baseball season. His dream has always been to play college ball, he has given up so much because the love of the game and with this setback he gets so discouraged that it might not be attainable. I just pray and will keep praying Jeremiah 29:11 over him and the situation.

I entered a new season of motherhood this Fall. My oldest moved away to college. As I am so happy for her and love to see her venture to her new season of her life. I have days that I am totally fine and some days that I am literally crippled in fear because the thoughts that try to hold me captive. Getting online and seeing missing young women because of sex trafficking, college shootings and waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares that she was in an accident. I know that God is working on me in so many ways because I have to truly TRUST. We have our babies in our care for so many years and then in a blink of an eye we are supposed to let them fly. Which is normal, I know that in my head, my heart is taking a bit longer to align and understand the assignment. I have so many verses that I have to go to daily, one of my favorite ones is Isaiah 41:10.

Every challenge and Season can be a blessing, if you learn from it. I have learned that I am stronger than I could ever have imagined, I have learned that as much as I love my job and kids, my identity is not in my job or as a mom. Nothing is permanent and perfect and that is ok… Sometimes a detour is for a better destination. If life gets hard, take it day by day… if that is too hard… take it hour by hour and it is even ok to take it minute by minute. Just remember, KEEP GOING!

Always know that I am here for you… You are not alone!